Note: Despite what the cop said during the phone conversation reported below, I had not received "my" licence on August 12, when my book Confessions d'un coureur des bois hors-la-loi (Montréal: Éditions Varia, to be published September 2001) went to press. I have been an official criminal since August 10. -- P.L.

 

August 1, 2001 Phone Conversation with a Praetorian
by
Pierre Lemieux

 

On August 1, 2001, it seemed that I had won on my main symbolic point, i.e., refusing to answer question 19(f) about "divorce, separation, breakdown of significant relationship." I had not really answered question 26 either. (See the story of my battle at http://www.pierrelemieux.org/policecanada).

A "civilian" cop who had phoned me one week before, and whose call I had not returned, phoned again on August 1. He seemed to want to settle the matter amicably, if I can use this term. He was concerned about question 19(f). I said that my answer was, as written on the form, "My love affairs are none of your business."

"This puts me in a difficult position..." he said.

"I certainly realize that you are in a difficult position," I interrupted, "because your so-called law will be in trouble when it is realized that you criminalize people who don't want to tell Police Canada about their love affairs."

He said he would forget about this part, and asked me if I would accept to verbally answer the other parts of the question ("job loss" and "bankruptcy"). I had previously asked him if our phone conversation was recorded, and he had assured me that it wasn't ("not in the habits of the house," he added.)

While lecturing him on the unacceptable character of the whole process, I thought I could yield on this as I had won the main battle. I told him I could not lose my job because I don't have one; and that, since I am honest, I was never bankrupt, and that the only reason I could ever be would be the outrageous taxes that the tyrant forces me to pay and then uses to control me.

"I will be able to issue your licence," he said.

"I hope you don't expect me to say 'Thank You'."

"No, Sir."

He said something like "Have a nice day!," and we hung up.

That is the gist of the conversation, which lasted a good 15 minutes, and was pretty tough (on my side). He was playing it very cool. I lectured him on a couple of points. When he started to try and explain why they asked these questions, I told him that I did not want to hear his pidgin ethics ("morale de midinette"). I also had him answer a personal question: his age (42).

I should add one little point. In order to show how a fine psychologist he was, and how the tyrant is nice, caring and efficient, the praetorian said, at some point during the conversation: "Some individuals show, in their answers [I interpreted this as meaning, "in their answers on the form"], that they have suicidal or homicidal tendencies. This is obviously not the case for you." I bit my lips not to reply that I suddenly felt a strong tyrannicidal urge.